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Growing Up

August 12, 2011

I’m young. I’m 20. Full disclosure: my parents still pay all my bills. Every single one of them. So, I know that I am not really qualified to talk about being a grownup. I know that. But on the flip side of that, I haven’t lived at home in two years for more than a week or two at a time, and I have a storage unit where I keep all my stuff, and I had two real, adult jobs last semester and I’m (very slowly) building my own small business. So in some ways, I’m growing up. I’m growing up but I’m not grown up.

Over the past few years, as I have begun this journey, there have been moments when I’ve felt like a little adult, and while some of them seemed natural–cooking every single meal this summer with Zack, packing and unpacking and packing again between dorm and apartment, getting up at 6:30 every day and putting on slacks and heels for work–there have been some moments that have taken me by surprise. Little, unextraordinary things that remind me that I am not, in fact, 16 anymore. Like shoes.

 

These shoes. The first time I felt that unexpected jolt of adulthood was when I ordered and subsequently received my first pair of Kate Spade shoes. Beautiful, patent leather and velvet peep toe pumps. For me, they were a big purchase. But look at them! They’re perfect. And I bought them. All by myself. My first real designer purchase. When the box came, that beautiful hot pink and orange box, the excitement was absolutely overwhelmning. They were just shoes, yet as I gently lifted the gold dotted tissue paper, they felt like adulthood. They felt elegant and powerful. Maybe it’s just my love affair with colorblocking, but that’s how Kate Spade still makes me feel. A year later, and whenever I pull those shoes out of their box, I still get the same rush and, honestly, feel like I’m at a party I’m not really cool enough to be at.

I still feel like a little girl sometimes. Maybe it’s because I wear bows too much. Maybe it’s because I still kind of am one. But living in this transition stage–where I’m old enough to sign my own lease but not old enough to sign into a hotel–is pretty fun. Admittedly, it’s probably because I don’t have that much responsibility yet, so I can use my paycheck for things like shoes. But just like the weather, the moments in life I enjoy most are the transitions, because they leave you feeling excited and expectant.

I love living in this moment. I’ve generally loved every phase of my life, but this one has by far been the best. And I hope that’s how I’ll always feel: deeply grateful for what’s past, and absolutely giddy for what’s to come. Also, I would like to be wearing Kate Spade shoes the whole time.

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